am i that bad a daughter?

do i stay out till 12 midnight everyday? do i smoke? do i drink? do i fuck around?

do i not listen to you? do i not?

i fear you. i fear hurting you. i fear see-ing the anger in your eyes. there are so many things i couldve have done if i reallyreally want to. but because of you, because of how you brought me up, i choose not to.

but i am still human, cant you accept that? i am only 18 mother. i make mistakes, you correct me. not push me down harder.

i study my ass off. i went to a good secondary school, which you didnt approve of? i was in a good CCA that you were never happy with. i got amazing results for my o levels. i went to an amazing jc. why must you still harp on the fact that i didnt want to go to poly? i am part of an amazing soccer team, and you still bring me down every single chance you get.

i am sorry that i injure my leg. i am sorry that i cannot make you proud on that soccer pitch. i. am. sorry. can you just for once, look at me and tell me, how very proud you are of me for achieving whatever i have so far? or are you seriously not? have i not done enough mummy?

why compare me to other people's children? am i not good enough to be your daughter? you know, everytime you sigh about my injury to other people, it hurts me. it really hurts me. but i can never say these things to you. i can never.

so please, just stop it already. you hurt me real bad this time mummy. i cannot hold back how much i wish i can put you in my shoes for a day and go through what i am.

maybe one day you will see me, as that strong girl who fights for what she wants. maybe one day you will mummy.