beauty is in the eye of the beholder

11:54 PM

Sunday, February 28, 2010

just like a tattoo.

this is my 500th time updating today. idk why, but i feel like talking to myself alot nowadays. not to mention i sing to myself too. shit, life as a loner is not that fun.

so yes, school tmr. lets mug our ass off marlia. we gotta do it for the sake of our futures. hehehehe.

i wana go hongkong disneyland but kakak cnt make it on the days hence we are just gonna head to land of indo mee aka indonesiaaaaaaaaaaaa. lets hope the shopping there is good and lets hope that i can officially walk without my crutches by that time, but it may seem not likely. haiyo.

ok lah, my leg is starting to hurt. i shall go off now.

sayonara.

and oh oh, i heart you.

5:23 PM

"...I wanna lie in my bed
And do nothing
I dont care what anyone says
I got you on my mind
Thinking about one thing
Gonna show you how I do it best

Put my lips on your mouth
Keep you coming around
Cause I like it yeah
Put your hands on my hips
Take me down
Sink this ship
Boy I cant resist

I wanna wear my hair up wild in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like youve never had
Cause I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till youre begging me
And youre on your knees
And its hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cause I only wanna be wanted by you

Those other guys when they call
I might answer
But you're the one Im thinking 'bout
So baby dont disappoint
Just move faster

And show me what youre feeling now..."

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

9:22 AM

when you kiss my lips, i go ooooh.

check out my developing guns. ok ok, so its not that big yet. but its hard ok, DAMN HARD. hahahahaha. im so proud of myself. i shall not use the crutches anymore lah. eh, aper aku merepek. i shall not use wheelchair anymoooreee. so leceh. i can survive with the crutches. i hope.

finally got my ass off the bed. GAHHH. shall get started on chem. sick no sick, still have to damn it.

i want nice hair ): so babi right. i want nice haaaaaaaaaaaair. nvm you wait after my haircut, i make sure its nice. MUST AH.

ok, my blog song kinda irritating now. but i still like it. heeee.

ok dah, stupid day ah today. so hot. make me sweat only. babi.

urgh. im so bitter today.

"... cause if you have fallen, you are my shooting star ..."
so come on everybody.
FOR THAT, WE SHALL ALL GO

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW(:

6:52 PM

Saturday, February 27, 2010

heyheyhey(:

YAY! i went for the match just now. it was effing hot. the sun wasnt being very nice heh? but im so proud of team(: you girls fought on, i guess thats what really matters. we can do this girls!

so after that, had some drama in the canteen. blablabla, end up mum allowed me to lunch. so went lunch, had my favourite nasi ayam sambal and bandung! omg, bandung everyday. i am so goona start pee-ing pink.

mum surprise visit me at the hawker centre. ahahaha. irritating shitz man. kiapkiap my way to berrylite. DAMN NICE. too bad cnt concentrate on studying much cz the rest were too funny already.

hmmm, thenthen, sis picked me up. jess was being a sweet angel, hahahaha, sent me to the taxi stand. whooooo. thaaaaankiuuuu.

then reached home, and has been trying to finish my second econs essay ever since. had a little sweet break in between. was very yummy. i should stop having sweet stuffs, its giving my tooth an ache. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

so now my hair like kock seng. i will hafta get a hair cut ASAP.

so yes, back to studying now. only one week left. GO SITI GO!(:

and i must say, for some people, moving on aint easy. but hey. we all got to do it sooner or later. life is too short my dears to cling on so much. that, i had learned.

ooooooooooook, enough already. IM OFF.

adios.

...You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul...

10:51 PM

Friday, February 26, 2010

like my ipod stuck on replay.

SOCCER GIRLS ARE CROSS COUNTRY DEFENDING CHAMPIONS YO! THATS THE WAY MY SMEXY GIRLS(:

removed stitch today. grrrrr. wasnt as bad as i expected uh, but now got like sudden pain): heal leg heal!

so match against NTU tmr. hehehehe, will be interesting heh. shall go to sleep soon. dont wana wake up late manx. still gotta convince mummy to let me go.

hmmmmm, i think making friends fun what. you agree with me? yes. thank youuu(:

hahahaha, ok ok. im starting to itch from head to toeeeee. damn disgusting.

ok lah, my eyelids heavy like fuck. im gg off.

MUACKSMUACKS.

"... just you and me tonight, everything will be ok ..."

11:30 PM

Thursday, February 25, 2010

look at the stars, look how they run from you

hahahaha, hello cupcakes(:

so yes, schools been fine. my ass is either glued to the wheelchair or my hands are glued to the crutches. its kinda sad to see so many soccer girls injured. but its ok, IT'LL BE OK!(:

been doing physio stuffs by the pitch with fellow miss world just now. ahahahhahaha, so freakking interesting heh. now i knowwww eh miss world. ^^

so anyways, xctry tmr. another dream tossed down the window, BUT THATS OK. come on soccer girls come on!(: '..run your own race..' - i will never forget kuan ren saying that.

so today, i almost slipped like twice. STEPPED ON MY INJURED FOOT SMORE. omg. i reallyreally dnt want the meniscus to tear again. die sia if tear. so dear god, please protect me from harm. hehehehe.

removing stitches tmr. again, im gonna plug in my mp3, blast music as loud as i can and refrain from thinking of the pain. wont be that bad right? right.

ok dah, i dah penat and i dah ngantok and i nak tido.

...If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am...

1:34 PM

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

hi, i finally found some energy to get off my bed.

i hope my sister is fine. i dont feel too good though. shit luhhh. i wana go training):

i shall be very good and study hard. i shall take the 'day off' today to seriously organize myself. i will have larger responsibilities placed on me and i reallyreally want to give my best for it.

so dear god, i hope everything goes well from now on.

my knee will recover, my studies will improve and my team will succeed.

hard work? bring it. im up for it.

and as for my heart, there wont be room for regrets.

on a brighter note, WHO WANT TO SPONSOR MY NEW HAIRCUT?(: WOOOHOO! i think i know who to bug. YAY! HAHAHA(: you watch out, still hvnt gimme my bdae present yet eh. whooopeeee(:

okok, i shall go rest first. thenthen. i shall try to eat. thenthenthen.

I WANT BANDUNG DAMN IT.

2:42 AM

my fucking nose is blocked and i am coughing.

own up, who passed the bug to me?.

not gg sch tmr.

very sleepy.

not home.

bye.

"..in the night, i hear them talk. the coldest story ever told.."

9:40 PM

Monday, February 22, 2010

hedge tea hedge tea four duh wind.

hello lovely world.

yes, i am legal.

today i felt extreme pain and then extreme pleasure. it was my first time, what do you expect. sheeehsh. my legs felt so weak at the end, cn barely move anymore. end up sleeping for one hour after that! tsktsktsk.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. stupid java made me listen to the assumption song. if you ppl are thinking dirty when you read what i just said, SHAME ON YOU. tsktsktsk.

i spent my day, step gung ho, on crutches all. FUCKING PAIN i tell you. damn tired of kiapkiap arn school. can fucking die. so after school, i totally flat. slept like a log in the canteen. thenthen, ella my darling went to get wheelchair for me. EXTREME PLEASURE i tell you. omgggg. shouldve done it all along.

I DONT CARE. SAYA TAK KISAH. i am so gonna be best friends with the wheelchair. FAT ALSO FAT LAH. i cnt tahan already. and and and, my core is gone): its GONE!

ok, im damn tired. shall go pack my bag end get through tmr safely. oh yeah, gt physio tmr 0.0

ok, i still very tired. goodbye world(:

11:40 AM

Sunday, February 21, 2010

i am eight fucking teen.
bring on the booze ya'll!
HAHAHAH.
ok no, bring on the a levels first.

shall continue when i come back from pig out in malaysia(:

xoxo, rahrah.

8:51 PM

Thursday, February 18, 2010

ive been too strong for too long and i really need to let this out.

shit, how long has it been? close to three months. three months off the pitch. i cannot handle this any longer. i have so much to prove, so much to show, so much to learn as well.

i dreamt of the day i step onto the pitch, wearing my no.9 jersey, proud and ready to play my hearts out. i dreamt of sprinting down the flank and having a kick see-ing how my opponent cant catch up with me. i dreamt of being that girl, that soccer girl, who was once part of the great 09/10 batch.

i dreamt so much. i hoped so much. to have it all taken away, all, in just a split moment. just a slight fall, a bad fall i would say, and all my dreams and hopes are gone. just like that.

im not saying that i am not greatful for all that ive learnt throughout my journey in vjsg. hell, the journey is something that will impact me for life.

but allow me to whine and complain for now. ive held back my tears enough, ive bit my lip hard enough. its reallyreally hard to continue doing that.

i want it, i want it so bad. i want to be on that pitch, with my teammates, in my jersey wearing my boots and my shin guard. i want to kick that ball so hard that it breaks my opponent's nose. i want to be back on my feet. god, please, can you tell me this is all a dream?

and that when i wake up, i will laugh myself silly for having such a bad dream?

no?

shit.

i remember watching the 0809 road to the finals video at the beginning of last year, before going for the soccer trials. i remember saying, how hard can the trainings be? i remember telling myself during trainings, that one day, i will be as good as the seniors. i also remember all the trainings i didnt complete. all the trainings i sat out, all the trainings i cried and hyperventilated.

i remember it all. clearly in my head. i dont regret those trainings, cz they made me stronger.

i also remember the times i wished i didnt join soccer. i wish i had more time for myself, i wish i had energy to do my hwk. i wished.

but now.

ironically, i have no regrets.

i want to fucking play damn it. i dont want to be the water girl, i dont want to be the video girl, i dont want to be the "manager". i want to be a soccer girl. i want it so bad.

but then again, you know what? who cares what i want. i care about what the team wants and more importantly, what the team needs.

i need to be the water girl, i need to be the video girl, and i need to be the "manager".

you wanna know why?

cz i am no odinary soccer girl.

i am a victoria jc soccer girl(:

9:10 PM

Monday, February 15, 2010

girly gang ftw(: omg, nat left us already and i didnt get to send her off): im so sorry nat): i love nat! she is a very special to me and wish her all the best in australia.

grrrrrr, so jealous! i wana go back perth! OK ENOUGH, before i "emox - as said by rasyad" again. hehehe(: enjoy nat enjoy!

oooooooook. so today, my knee is better. BETTER KNEE. hahahaha, miss that freak too.

work wise, i need to get organised and start to arrange everything once again! go siti go, you can do it(:

other than that, life has been pretty sweet(: gave parents a heart attack tday. so funny! ahaha.

ANOTHER FUNNY THING. i cnt climb my bunk bed so i have been crashing my parent's bed. but unfortunately, the fucked up bed bugs are back for revenge. SO WE CANNOT SLEEP ON THAT BED ANYMORE! HAHAHAHA.

so i had to camp on the sofa! BUT, ITS DAMN HOT TO SLEEP IN THE HALL! so now, we are camping in my room! my parents on the floor, cz they refuse to climb up my bed, AND ME! ME! ON THE SOFA! HAHAHAHA. my mom dragged the sofa into my room! HAHAHA. ok, maybe nt funny when i say it here.

BUT IT WAS DAMN FUNNY SEE-ING MY MOM PULL IT IN! HAHAHAHA. ok dah. enough. now i shall go enjoy my SOFA BED! HAHAHAHAHA. ok not funny.

..i'll keep you my dirty little secret..

6:55 AM

Friday, February 12, 2010

what do i gotta to do to make you love me?

OK HELLO EVERYBODY.

i am damn hungry. like super hungry!

am sitting here, waiting for time to pass so that i can get my ass over to the hosp. aiyooo, very scary yknw. but ohwells, i look forward to helium balloon ah. i. want. helium. balloon.

okaaaayyyy. i so officially declare my self as getting FATTER. cannot stand it.

this is super redundant. i keep on wanting to go to the fridge to get food. why my mom wake me up so earlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

ok ok, caaaaaaaaaalm dowwwwwwwwwwwn.

wheeeeeeeeeeee, i am bored. like supeeeeeeeeeeer. can you teeeeeeeeeeell?

OH OH, HAPPY CHEENA NEW YEAR! eh, nt yet eh? HAHAHA. mampos.

and you, somebody's me ):

12:13 AM

heyheyhey(:

zomg. its like 8 hours to dooms day): eight freakking hours. gaahhhhzzz..

soooo, friendship day. it made me miss cedar so much. so damn frigging much. but oh wells, time to move on.

alamak, i damn thirsty. stupid shit, cnt drink beyond 12 midnight. damn thirsty sia. grrrr.

so yes my dear sweethearts, thank you veryvery much for the warm and well wishes. my op will be at CGH but but but, i dont know what time exactly i will be awake again and all so yessss, i will update you all on fb ok?(:

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, i ate frolick. who ask them to come to veejay? stupid. make me fat and broke only. kanasai. eh eh, macam kenal.

anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, i shall be gone to sleep now uh. maybe i should bring maths along to do tmr so that i wont go mad at night.

and yes, i dont really know whats going on now but wtv it is, it hurts me to know you are hurting):

"...I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me..."

11:08 PM

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go,“No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad.

hey sweet loves(:

actually ive got nth much to say. hehehe, whats left to say you tell me?(:

last day as a normal walking person. well, mom is having issues with the operation. kept on insisting that since i can walk normally, i can not have it fixed. does she undersand the pain i have to go through, not being able to run or cycle or whatever? tsk. really annoying me.

school has been such a bore i can almost die.

life has been pretty mundane. nothing big, nothing nice.

heh, i wish.

12:10 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TO MY ONE AND ONLY MARLIA MARLIYANA!(:

MAY YOU BE HAPPYHAPPY WITH ME, MAY YOU FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE AND MAY YOU SUCCEED IN LIFE SO THAT YOU CAN LET ME STAY IN YOUR BIG HOUSE WHEN I AM OLD AND LONELY(:

I LAP YOU, YOU LAP ME(:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH(:

11:04 PM

Sunday, February 07, 2010

you know you're my saving grace.

hello cupcakes and candycanes(:

i am still stuck here, not done with my AQ. sth that i swore to do since forever. i am very tired and i cannot think anymore.

urrrggghhhhh. I WANT TO SLEEP LAH BABI.

so anyway, hahahaha, stop hearing stuffs about me already! sheesh kepeesh.

yeah and another anyway, i love bandung ttm(:

and another another anyway, I ONLY HAVE 4 MORE DAYS OF WALKING LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

I.AM.SO.SCARED.I.CAN.DIE. :O

ok dah, i shall reallyreally do my AQ and then be proud of myself(:

goodnight lovely world.

AND HEY, i am not doing my AQ tonight. HAHAHA.

11:53 PM

Saturday, February 06, 2010

im under my bed in the dark and the aircon is piercing through my skin.

"...but nth really matters, cz ive been numbed by you and your words..."

3:30 PM

and oh,

thank you perth, for making me believe in miracles.

3:21 PM

how did i let myself go?

gooooood saturday to you lovely readers(: [ chey, like so popular like that ]

i cant seem to remember the last time i had nothing gg on. i cant seem to recall the feeling of being alone. it wasnt that bad what. yeah lor. wont die one lah.

so anyway, i am done with my first econs essay. CLAP CLAP. i shall move on to math at 3.30.

6 days left to walking freely without crutches. shit, i am damn freaked out actually. went for physio and apparently, imran was there too, but didnt see him anywhere. weird.

the person was trying to teach me how to use the crutches properly and i cnt help but laugh at him. some more that triainer guy was making funny faces behind him. lets just hope the person doesnt think im wierd. i think he already did.

heeeee. so yesterday was nat's surprise farewell bbq at sneha's house. hahahaha, so fun(:

i love vjsg so much i can just die(:

so yes, im doing all i can nownownow.

why?

because i believe.

im a bigbig girl, in a bigbig world.

10:03 PM

Thursday, February 04, 2010

because i know you've got my back.

hey there sweets(:

today is just a horrible day lah. horrible is an understatement.

watched the boys match today. damn, i really wana play again, so very badly. why why whyyyy.

my operation is next week friday and its scaring the shit out of me. i sweaaaaaaaar. can die sia.

dah ah, i really bad mood today.

"... if you fall for me, im not easy to please. imma tear you apart ..."

aaah shit lah, i should stop listening to emo songs.

like imran said, its ok as long as that doode is faithful right? hahahahaha(:

and fauzan, if you are reading this, you so know what you owe me. but nvm, dont want to give then fine. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.

ok dah ah, i damn penat uh. bye.

and oh, a kiss for the lovely head(:

9:27 AM

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

cz girls need such a dress.

hello dear world(:

i went to sleep dreaming of that dress up there. shitzzzz, i want it sooooo badly i can just die. hahahaha. its been some time since i had such a longing for something siaaa. cnt get it out of my head!

ok nvm. but then come to think of it, i will be forever before i can wear any nice clothes ):

why? if my surgery is reallyreally this week or next, then it'll be a long time before i can go out and have fun): what a way to start my 18th year of life.

anyway, mri showed complete acl tear, mcl and meniscus partial tear. i somehow dont believe the MRI. i knw i knw, that is kinda stupid, but i feel like my leg isnt that serious ley. tsk. entah lah.

i did sth really wrong yesterday and i totally apologize for it ok? ):

gg to meet the sports surgeon at 11, then im off to sch again. i shall not scare the new j1s with my injury in case they wana join soccer. HAHAHA, come on lah, soccer is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun (:

ok ok ok, moms being naggy. BYEBYE(:

"... nobody can compare to you in my eyes ... " - well, it is rather mutual dont you think?