12:44 AM
Thursday, December 31, 2009
aaaaah, the blue and the grey. lets just hope i can still fit in my skirt(:today was a blast but i really have no energy to talk. besides, i ought to be asleep by now.SO ANYHOWS, LETS SPEND THE LAST DAY OF 2009 AS MEANINGFULLY AS POSSIBLE. LETS GO GIRLS(: its our time to shine.and after that, LETS GO REMBATERS. its our time to play(:and my dear knee, please dont hurt anymore.nights my dears(:
12:33 AM
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
did i blog today already?hahahaha. ohkayy, i shall go to sleep now.byebyebyebye(:
10:07 PM
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
ahahahahahaha(:omg, i really need these kinds of nonsense again! THIS YEAR THIS YEAR THIS YEAR! come on rembats! lets do the unthinkaaaaable! hahahaha. i dont care. elle, marlia, hafiza, nabila, nurul. korang baik buat aku happy. tak kisah ni, korang baik buat aku happy!HEHEHEHE. ohamgee(:so many eggciting *OMG BAD ROMANCE ON RADIO* things going on for the next two days. I NEED TO CHARGE MY CAMERA LIKE RIGHT NOW!! hahaha. sheesh. im still not done with manymany things!i cannot wait to hang with the soccer girls tmr, i cannot wait to ahem at sa on thursday. i cannot wait for the cedar homecoming. IM WEARING MY CEDAR UNIFORM I DONT CARE. i also cannot WAIT FOR OUR HANGING OUT TGT REMBATERS! i cannot waaaaaait.i need this, I NEED THIS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. this is serious stuffs right here. hahahaha. im freakking high when my eyes are like half closed. I WANA LOSE CONTROOOOOOOOOOOOOL. hehehe. ok, sabar sabar. so many caps in this post. i think im really losing it.im just tired of life as it is. 2009 was just fucked up lah. come come, who wants to change my mind? you have like, errr, two days? hahahahahaha.COMEEEEEE 2010 COOOOOOOOOOOOOOME. COME AND PLEASE ME.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. ok enough, ENOUGH. i feel like exploding already.GOODBYE PEOPLEEEEZ(:
7:06 PM
Monday, December 28, 2009
completely incomplete.
hello dear world, how have you been today? did you smile today? did you cry today? did you laugh today? did you sigh today? did you love today? did you hurt today? did you regret today? did you appreciate today? did you? did you?
because i did.
you never really gave much thought to what you are doing until you really have time to sit down and think about it. do you wonder if it may be too late?
what if you just want to follow your heart and go for it? so what if the reply is not what you want to hear. at least you get to hear it.
and what if you know its so terribly wrong but your heart said go for it. and you did. at least you get to do it.
so yes, punish me in whatever way you want. i will get out of it. i dont need to be brought down and all broken because of this. nope.
i just wish, just wish.. that i didnt know what they said. i wish...that they would shut up for a while and stop talking about what they feel coz fucking hell, its none of their fucked of business.
i dont need my list of "i hate her" to grow much longer, thank you very much. hate me all you want. im following my heart and if you think im a bitch for doing so, then be my guest(:
cz im pretty sure, YOU yourself aint any better and yet you dare talk about me like that. tsktsktsk, *shakes head*
im out of here peepz. need to crash on my re papers.
now lemme sing for you..
"...ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, PUT YOUR HANDS UP..."
*WAVES HAND IN THE AIR*
hehehehe(:
12:44 AM
everythings seems to be so bleak now.my life is like the black and white picture there, no colour, no smiles. ive been trying. but when ppl say things they should not, i find it hard to control my anger. when you step beyond the line, dont expect me to keep quiet and suffer in silence.as for you..
if you dont know what you are doing to me, then i suggest you open your eyes now. if you really think there is no way out, ever, then dont do anything. but once ive gotten over this period, there is no turning back.
if you want to see me hurting me this way, then dont do anything. if you are really sure that this is it, then dont do anything.
i dont know how long it may take but i hope you wont be too late.but its up to you.im over being miss nice girl. its bitch for bitch. try me.
12:12 AM
Sunday, December 27, 2009
yes yes yes.i was listening to emo songs on youtube, then i started to listen to songs about cute guys. then i decided to see if there's any vid of my two cute babies. yes yes, torres and taylor. then i realised that if i continue watching more and more vids of them i will go mad.i was practically smiling so freaking widely at the laptop, with my eyes wide open and my fingers grabbing onto my hair. WOOOOOOOOOOOH. it was a mad rush of emotions i tell you. gt one vid, of girls actually screaming in the cinema when jacob took his shirt off to wipe bella's blood. if he would do that for me, i would cut myself everywhere. ahahaha, extreme or what(: awwwww.taylor swift, you listen to me carefully. TAKE OFF SHIRT WHENEVER YOU CAN GIRL COZ YOU AINT GOT FOREVER! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.ok dah dah. as for my torres, ehehehe, what we have is private, so i wont tell the world k? *perasaannakmampos*hehehe, sometimes perasaan is good no? if the reality would only crush you like a bug, then i prefer making myself happy by looking at these boys rather than real boys.at least i can love them all i want and they wont ask for anything from me or make me sad, make me angry. no no. so fine. i shall continue to wake up every morning and kiss torres' poster good morning and hug jacob, which is on the cover on new moon, very very tightly every night before going to sleep.so what if they cant hug me back? at least i know its they cant and not they dont want to.OK SHIT. i was so happy and eggcited when i started this post and now im drifting into my depression mode again.hahaha, lemme go watch more vids of them to make me HAPPY(:"...so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy..."so what?
12:19 PM
Saturday, December 26, 2009
wooooh. angry much.
i shall spend today wisely. means more study no tv. hahaha. i promise to start at 1(:
and to everyone who are/seems concern, hahaha, im fine(:
just some emo moments here, but it'll pass. yeapyeap.
ok, come on re papers. IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS. and then, im gonna enjoy my ass off in australia. and then im gonna come back for my MRI scan.
and then im gonna... im gonna..
i will try to forget you.
10:57 PM
Friday, December 25, 2009
now i wish to live by that quote up there. i did just that and yet im beating myself up. why rah rah why? i can get out of this. i will try to as much as it hurts. i guess sometimes things dont go as you imagined and planned.
i can really do with alot of chocolates now. but i dont have access to any):
and when i say, toast to new friendships, i really mean it.
and oh, i shall not complain so much on my blog in case some people find it whiny. ahem.
"... never wanted this, never wanted to see you hurt. every little bump in the road i tried to swerve... "- taylor swift, breathe.its amazing how songs can explain what i cnt to you.
11:06 PM
Thursday, December 24, 2009
jessica simpson - i belong to me"...It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you, babyIt's just that I'm the one I need to be true to, babyAnd I won't give up me to be part of youIt's not that I don't want to have you in my life, babyIt's just you gotta know that it's got to be right, babyBefore I open up my heart to youI gotta let you know before I let you in, babyThat who I am is not about who I am with, babyThat don't mean I don't wanna be here with you, I do..."i hate cold turkey. i hate cold turkey. i hate cold turkey.we shall see if following the brain instead of the heart is worth it.merry christmas world(:LETS TOAST TO NEW FRIENDSHIPS(:
8:44 PM
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
if only i was born rich. if only i had all the money in the world. no, maybe i dont want that. maybe i just want enough money to finace my trip to australia, my hospital bills and my uni education.
mom said the words i never wanted to hear:
"you dont need go australia. i dont want waste my money on something so meaningless."
sometimes i wonder, what is that restraining power in me that stops me from chopping her into a million pieces. i really wonder.
i wish she would realise that i am not that little girl anymore and that if she doesnt start treating me like an adult, i would also not treat her the way she wants me to. its the truth. no use running away from it.
so yes, i shall be gone now to study for my dear re papers.
i wish i can stop schooling and just rot to death. heh. maybe i dont. i dont know.
i still wana chop her into pieces though.
11:55 AM
Monday, December 14, 2009
hello twigs and leaves(:i am not happy at all. i was bitter since i cracked my eyelids open up till now. ohamgee. how stupid. i cannot believe the rotten luck i have today. i feel so soreeeeeeeeeee, everywhere.arrgghhhh. not happy not happy.cant concentrate on my chemistryyyy. HELLPPP. and urghhhh. i feel very angry. oh, maybe cz i haven eat my MULTI-VITAMINS! right.urrrrggghhhh. this is a very angsty post. hahaha.i cannot believe liverpool lost again. lemme repeat that, AGAIN. but its ok. its oooooook. everyone has bad days and bad seasons. right? right. so mhm, we may be gg down now, but the up is on its way(:and oh, i have been checking my fb so much that if i get paid 1 cent everytime i do, i would be richer than oprah by now.i cannot wait to go australia. YAY. BUT BEFORE THAT. i need to stuff my brain with chemistry and maths. arrgghhhh.i very angry. i want to go shopping again. again. and my phone died on rasyiqah again. i must learn to charge my phone more regularly. i drank strawberry milk this morning. i want more strawberry milk.dont you think anklets are very pretty? esp the ones with butterfly or bells or hearts. awww, im turning into a girly girl. but i like anklets. so pretty. i want anklet. i want.i want the shorts from cotton on. so pretty. you like? i like. i want also.but, do you know what i want more? i want my leg to recover. i want to be back on the pitch. i want. can? i want.dah. bye.
10:23 PM
Friday, December 11, 2009
hey thereeee(:lemme seeeee, ive been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few days. god knows how much i miss those retarded freaks up there. i would kill to be around them again. i really really really miss them.soccer never meant much to me before. but i had a sudden obsession right after os. i felt like i needed to be a soccer girl, no matter which jc i get my ass to. and well, i got my ass in veejay. and donoe how come also, i got my ass into vjsg.the journey wasnt easy. i remember coach saying, this is your own journey. whatever you experience will never be the same as the person sitting next to you. i dont want my journey to end now.i know i am stronger than this. i do not want to let my dream just stay stagnant. my injury is nothing big. its not that bad, i know it is not. i dont know why the doctors are making a big deal out of it. pffft.i only wish that my family will be more supportive of me being in soccer. it will end really really soon. and what scares me is not the pain of my injury but the pain of not being able to play during season. the fear of not making team. shit, that would be horrible ttm.i am still going for trainings, even if it mean i will fill up their bottles, pump the balls, wash the bips. whatever. i want to be part of this amazing team still. its something that i wish to accomplish and i dont think i will let anything stand in my way.my journey is not ending. it just started(:i love team. i really do. i love my leg too, but im sure, im fine.going for MRI scan in Jan, so pleaseplease, let it be good. in the mean time, HEAL KNEE HEAL!and hey, girls play soccer too ok.
10:36 AM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
hello people. happiness. sometimes i wonder when was the last time i was really really happy. i know i had soooo much fun when i went out with the gang and more on teachers day. remember?
i dont know, i think girls make me happy.
hahaha, wooooh. i need my girlfriends back. when marlia and hafiza the monster left for KL, i was sooo lost. i dont know who to call to bitch. rasyiqah is at training so i cant possibly call her. oh i dont know.im gg to the hospital now. i need to go back to training. i think my leg is ok. BUT, i shall expect the worst.ok, gtg(:
7:21 PM
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
{tsk}omg, i am having sucha bad day.its really weird. cz my knee is being so anal. its sucks. hurts so bad. freak.and and, i cnt concentrate on my chemistry. and i dont know why. like whaddafuck is wrong, i have no freaking idea.i feel so restless and hungry and cold but sweaty at the same time. i swear idk whats gg on. its like im pms-ing but not really. i dont know.something is not right. really. its not.twilight messed my head the entire night and WOAH. all this loveeeee and romaaaaance and hot guyyyssss with nice abbsssss are getting to my head and i want it OUT. OUT OUT OUT.i need my brain for studying and my heart for soccer, friends and family.i dont need this teenage angst anymore.argh fuck, im falling sick and i dont even know why!! ive been lazing like a pig at home and yet i am falling sick.shit, i cannot do this any longer. i give up. im gonna crash now. my head is throbbing so bad and my knee is aching like fuck. so goodbye.ARGH. i want to call you, but i know you wont be there.no no.
10:14 PM
Monday, December 07, 2009
{please dont stop the music}oooooh, good old times(: remember this wellie? its so pertty. hahaha. i forgot who took it tho. heee.i miss cedar lah. and the new school, tho is pretty, its just not the same. it changed. its no longer that homey-domey feeling. well, thats what i get when i look at the pictures on facebook. old cedar is still the best. tsk. and wells, resting at home is helping my knee. *screams for joy* i feel like a fat pig, without the trainings, my fats are making its way back. SHIT. now hurry up. i need to get back on that pitch. I MISS PLAYING BALL. I MISS PLAYING BALL. BOOOOOOOO.ok, i sound so whiny. now now, lets be optimistic(: hahaha.watched kung fu panda again today. funnyfunny. hehehe.ok, i shall be gone now. shall wake up bright and early to study again tomorrow. *pats back* good job nadzirah(:"... turn around, fix your eyes in my direction..."
11:11 PM
Thursday, December 03, 2009
{with such speed}yeap, thats me. yeap, in pain. yeap, disabled.life is full of pain. today, i did so much school work i can die of boredom.so i wana go school tomorrow! i wana goooooo! lemme go! pleaaaaseeee.go team goooooo! own the seniors(:
10:48 PM
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
{chug chug chug}hello world(:yes, my knee is really fine. it just really hurts nowwww):CIP was really tiring and i swear to never do it again. it sucks ok. life has been cruel to me.i lost twenty bucks, i lost my soccer windbreaker and now im with crutches under my armpits. tak fair):so come on lady luck, smile on me again. please.im off to sleep now, byebye everyone):
everythings seems to be so bleak now.
yes yes yes.
wooooh. angry much.
if only i was born rich. if only i had all the money in the world. no, maybe i dont want that. maybe i just want enough money to finace my trip to australia, my hospital bills and my uni education.
