beauty is in the eye of the beholder

12:53 PM

Saturday, August 29, 2009

{a hundred days have made older, since the last time that i saw your pretty face}

i feel so super emo now. so many things running through my mind.

i wish my life was different. i wish i am some one else, living some where else. i want to be her, her, her.. maybe him.

but im still me.

i lost my passion, i lost my drive. i lost the urge to be the best i could be. both for myself and for them. i dont know how, i dont know when. but i cnt seem to re-ignite the passion i had.

i remember the phone call. and how eggcited i was. i remember the talk. and how proud i am to be there. i remember the satisfaction of winning and how it replayed in my head over and over again.

but i cant seem to remember, how to do it all over again. how to make myself feel so motivated, proud, eggcited and satisfied. life has been a bitch.

haiyooooooooooooooooo.

dont like dont like. my heart very the empty and heavy.

dont like dont like.

i have planned my day. gonna start at 1.30. maybe, if i channel all this enerygy into studying, i might be as smart as kuman. WAHAHAHA. eeee, dont want. no life.

and boy oh boy, mr big is just plain awesome, no? i adore guitarists. its coz i plain suck at it and hence, i have deep respect for those who can produce such amazing tunes from the guitar. like seriously, it beats singing well you know. if i can play, wah sey.

*starts imagining me playing*

ok dah. saya mahu emo lagik. bye world(:

8:13 PM

Friday, August 28, 2009

{its a beautiful life}

halloo ah halloo.

zomg, IS IT FRIDAY AGAIN? OHMYGAHH. YAAAAAAAAY!

hahaha, ok. I WANA TAKE THE NIGHT OFF. AWAY FROM BOOKS AND NOTES AND STRESS AND NONSENE. im gonna play farmville, im gonna sing and dance and watch tv and sleep early.

ahahahaha, ok fine. i shall plan my 2moro so that my life has some control.

i dont know lah eh. my life is great the way it is actually. entah lah eh.

ONE WEEK DOWN, THREE TWO GO. omg, that means promos coming like shit. ZOMG. nvm nvm, if i stick to my plan its gonna be ok i hope. so siti nadzirah binte hassan, FOLLOW IT OK! hahahahaha,wheeeeeee(:

hmmm, the fsd course. i also dk eh. see how. if i feel like then ok lor. of not, kirim salam pat korang eh? hehehehe.

ok dah, i wana go now. byebye(:

and oh, you see that girl up there? hahahaha, I LOVE MARLIAAAAAAAAAA(: kembang ah tu.

8:23 PM

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

{those were the best days of my life}

hello world. was your day a little gloomy today? i know mine was.

started with insensitivity leading the morning. i cnt tahan how ppl are so irritating and straight forward. i mean GOSH, think before you speak? seriously, some ppl just have no regrets over what they said. NASIB BAIK PUASA AH EH. if i follow my kepala batu, my ass wouldnt have scoooted over to the other seats. watch it, before i mess up your NEAT file and crumple your notes. beach.

then there was PE. which was spent rather fruitfully i would say. eh eh? ohh. (that sooo reminds me of jellybean)

and then, scooted over to the vp's office. cnt really be bothered over what she said. i mean, it did make sense, and yes, WAKE UP CALL. but dah lahhh, naggy sia. another beach.

then it was maths and chem. my tummy buat hal. damn pain. basket.

then then then, met azrina and rasyiqah at canteen, blab blab blab. went to geylang bazaar. HAHAHA, damn hot sia the plaaaaaace! SWEAT MACAM KAMBING NYER ADIK ANGKAT! and HAHAHA, i have to tell this!

i was just walking past this guy, sm stall person ah. so i walk walk walk, JUST AS HIS MOUTH AND MY EAR ARE IN COMPLETE ALIGNMENT, HE FREAKING SHOUTED 'MARI MARI MARI!'. omg. i freakkkkking jumped! and melatah and kicked one leg up. i tell you, my heart JUMPED along lah sey. OMG. malu ttm.

then reached home, bla bla bla. DAMN TIRED LAH!

and yes, life may suck very badly now. but i am glad i have memories of cedar with me to keep me sane. MONDAY OH MONDAY, CEPAT LAH DATANG. SITI NADZIRAH DAH CNT TAHAN DAH NI! hahahaha(:

10:25 PM

Monday, August 24, 2009

{do you see what i see?}

hello world. since princess elle is jelak with my blog, i shall update it.

schools been a bitch. as usual, whats new? hahahaha. i forgot all the things that took place already lahhh.

all i know is ive been mugging after school, screwing all my tests and just living my day.

at least gt things to look forward to in school. hahahaha(:

my hand cramp sia, talk to RASHAKERRR online but she never reply. THANKS HEH.

my farm at farmville damn hot. hahahaha, i am saving up for that band stage(:

GO LIVERPOOL! go go go go! torres honey, you can do it! hahaha(:

lemme get my minah mode on:

eh pompan, kau rilek one corner sua. muka tak pecah dah kira nasib baik. DONT MAKE MY BLOOD GO UP. senyum kau banyak peh lawar per. kain lap tingkap nenek aku lagik mulia lah eh.

NASIB BAIK BULAN PUASA AH EH.

9:51 PM

Sunday, August 16, 2009

why? is it coz im so stupid? why am i stupid? is it cz im born with it? im not stupid. mom, im not stupid. my studies may be like shit, but i am not stupid. im so fucked up stressed. i hate yelling at you, i hate screaming everytime we talk. but, but you get on my nerves. you question me so much, you dont try to get it. is it your fault? of course not. it is not. it is mine. i dont deserve your trust or your care, cz all i do is ruin my life and myself. i lie so much to you, i hate it. but what can i do? you tell me. i just want to fit in. is it so wrong? is it? ohmygod. i cannot tahan already. im seriously in a mess. my life is in a mess. i need a break, away from all this bull shit. everything is so noisy. the cars, the radios, the tv. can you all just shut up? can everything just shut the fuck up?

i hate laughing, i hate talking, i hate singing. i hate everything.

why am i so depressed? i feel like sombody just punched me in the face. everything is so numb. i need to get over this period of self-destruction right now. i need to. i have to.

all i ask for, is a smile on your face when i get home from school. all i ask for, is not your questioning, but you respecting my space.

before i can love any of you, let me love myself can?

thank you.

9:53 PM

Friday, August 14, 2009

{lemme take you back in time sweets}

hellooooo.

ohmygod, ITS FRIDAY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

ohamgee. i had to drag my ass out of my bed the whole entire week. ITS FRIDAY. KAWAN KAWAN, ITS FRIDAY. i wana soak it all in. FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY.

ok dah. hahahahaha. what an interesting week heh?

results like cheebye. cannot tahan. its like so bad. so bad that its too bad to be spoken of. cheebye also not that bad. eeeeeeeeeeee. i was so disgusted with myself, that i lost my appetite and all. hahaha, but then, let it go kay siti nadzirah. work hard.

i know im not the smarty pants kind. i will suffer all this heartbreak and all throughout my school life, until i start putting in effort. hahahahaha, i struggle like mad in school! be it primary sch, where every1 get like 80sth or 90sth for maths and sci and get super high for compo and i will get like bullshit 74, 75. then there was cedar, siak uh, my results stink more than bull shit can? maths confirm fail. chem and physics, wahliao, cnt even talk abt it. then now, theres vj. ive yet to pass anything, except for GP.

im so stupiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid and lazy. I HAVE TO CHANGE.

ok dah, hahaha. i love facebook. i really really really really do.

and i dont want to struggle in school anymore.

and so sorry girls, i cnt make it 2moro): shit.

11:08 AM

Saturday, August 08, 2009

{say that you want me}

hello world. zomg. i have so not been updating this place here. i lost my amazing drive to blogblogblog.

schs been a bitch. i am hating sch ttm. I DONT LIKE SCHOOOOL. but i like ppl in sch. studies gg down the drain and its been ages since i stepped on the field with my soccer gear on. time to whip my arse and get back in shape.

idc. im soooo gg next week. if he scream, i die. but wth. im still gg. wheee!

and and and. my grades like bullshit can. DSSSU. mampos aku gini. MAMPOS.

ok nvm, so yesterday ends our tarianing days. quite sedih you know. hahahaha, i cannot dance for nuts but it was awesomeeez. i cnt stop laughing at the end. funny shit. HAHAHA. omg. so funny. nvm nvm.

mhm, so yeah, gg to sm wedding later on. FOOD! yummy.

some things are just not meant to be. i dont know what to do.

on the other hand, some things are just so amazing that you just have to let your heart rule you and not what your head tells you to do. i mean, i could have just walked away when my head told me not to be so nice. but no no no, my lub-dub down there told me to laugh it off.

yeah, i think i laugh at the strange-est moments, but its cz i have the tendency to laugh things off! is it my fault that i dont want to take life so seriously? i also dont know lahhh. alamak, my head spin spin round round.

ok dah, i gotta go sing now. very the bingit. BYE.

11:55 AM

Monday, August 03, 2009

{dig your eyes out people}

hello world. its great to be up and about again.

woah, tempt shoot up like nobody's business. peak was 39.4 and i was certain my end was on its way.

went to the doct, strange one i would say. in need of some desperate love making from the looks of it. gross to the max.

got three days mc, plus a heap of medicine to be forced down my throat. tamiflu included, which totally scared the shit out of my mom and dad who never imagined such insane bill from a clinic. whoop whoop.

i feel extra woozy now cz i just popped the med after i was FORCED to FORCE down ayam kampong. sheeesh, i dont like ittttt!

and goat damn it, the 'tarian' group, ahem, i never mention this before did i?, 7/8 of the group is down with fever INCLUDING the instructor.we are dooomed i say. GONE CASE. sheesh, all those practicing for nothing? i hope not. hahahaha.

ok laaaaaah, im in tarian for sm national day thing for some mcs shit. along with the amazing aiza, the tallies duo hannah and rasyiqah, the soccer girl azrina, the small and cute athirah, the owner of an earring shop shafika(sp?) and the miss president marlia. it was pure fun fun fun i tell you. hahaha.

hmmmmmmmmm, so many things happened while i was away from the cyber space.

like adam's bdae. hmmmm, i shall update abt it whenever i can.

was too sick to do anything yesterday. gahhhh.

ok im getting drowsy. byebye. see you all soon.

ladybug.