4:06 PM
Thursday, November 29, 2007
this is another: mom-spoiled-the-fun-coz-shes-not-a-big-fan-of-fun kind of post.i dont even want to talk about what she did this time. aha.so went to geylang with monster and nunu and fat sis. den met big sis and went to bugis, lalala, big sis went to sch 4 a while. meanwhile, me, fat sis and nunu went to little india. supposed to meet 'amirah who is already at little india. bt yeah, monster wants me home to follow her go belajar ugama.yeah, shall nt describe the pain and horror i feel, but asked amirah to go home and i also go home.looks like my dear zen stone would be my best friend all the time from 5.30 to 7 today. i swear not to listen to a word the ustazah is saying. hey, she made me do it. what for listen, if hati not ikhlas. so yeah, zen stone is my only escape.shall just be cool about it. both my sisters are out together with nunu having fun, while i have to go home to got sit with a bunch of makcik makcik, who wore skirts and tight shirts when they were younger and try to repent now. oh call me bitch, i know i sound like one. pfft.dont expect any more than a fake smile from me today people (which is the makcik makcik of c.)hmmm, lemme see, my mom is gona be nice to me. heh heh heh, and i want to be nice to her. i want to tell her how much i love her and how much she mean to me. but i cant, i just cant. ='(what a life.
10:55 AM
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
yes yes, i geddit! muacks. i have no idea what will become of me without you, my dear. hehehe.did u have to squint ur eyes to read that? HOW KEPO. its not for you, nor you, nor you. bt to my special "YOU" only. blueks.ANYWAAAAAAAY! i went shop shop shopping yesterday! well, not really actually. hahahaha. arn 7 plus, me whooole family, whth bro n sis in law and bro in law, to expo!there's metro sale. AND ZOMG. THERE'S ESPRIT! sale! ESPRIT SALE! there was a mad swarm and i wanted this esprit jacket. its god damn nice. but mom bought me other things, thus no esprit jacket for me. it used to cost 129 bucks, and yesterday, it was ONLY 39.90! like which asshole would not want it?but big sis bought it. neh mind, i shall borrow from her whenever i want. yay!anyways, bought a nike tote bag. used to cost 100 bucks, den it was 76 yesterday. WOOHOO. i went crazy over the bags there, and finally settled for this black n gold one. eh, wait a minute! my converse bag was black n gold! tssssk. but NEHMIIND, i love it!den den den, bought PIERRE CARDINsss! hahahaha! YAY! woohoooo!hmmm, ok, then off to dinner. and then home and then SLEEEEEP. whee! i like late nights with family. i hope i will have more of friend's...haiyaiyai, ok ok. i gots to go now! gg to bathe, and poof OUT I GOOOO! yay me!=)
6:38 PM
Monday, November 26, 2007
if only she has any fucking idea how much shes hurting me.i am fucking 15, and what the fuck can i do wrong at a harmless bbq? what? go room to room to fuck people?oh my god, what was i thinking. that she would actually allow me to go out for a few hours for bbq with my platoonmates?wow. i swear i to god i thot things would change when i go sec 3. and guess what? i am actually still thinking that things will change when i go sec 4.why cant she just be fucking flexible? why cnt she let me be happppppy?!omg. its not like i ask to go out every fucking day. or every fucking weekend. oh my god. going out of the house, is like walking around orchard in bikini.i really see nothing wrong, in letting me go out, when there is sth important and fun going on. oh my god. can u imagine, how hard it is living with such a mother? i dont mind her nagging asking me to pray even tho baru azan 5 minutes ago. i dont mind her dragging me all the way to geylang, just to walk arn see nothing. i dont mind the way she cares about all the stupid silly things that i do.but let me have this fucking thing called trust? asking her to let me go out is like asking her for 50 thousand dollars.it hurts lah, it plain hurts. to see how she ignores, and dont bother to even care, that i am a fucking growing teenager. not that little girl, who she can dress up the way she want.its chalet, im nt asking to sleep over even. just for the day. FOR THE DAY. bbq. omg. i hate this, i fucking hate this. mummy, why cant you let me grow up? why cant you let me be on my own at some points of time. i wana be with my friends, do the things i enjoy.i hate the way you prison me at home damn it.i know ive been rattling about this since last yr. but it keeps getting worse as i grow older. im gg to be 16 in three months, but she treat me like A STUPID 6 YR OLD.i sometimes wonder, why do i even bother to ask her to buy new clothes and shoes and stuffs for me. issit just to store im my closet?you know, i long for the feeling of dressing up, knowing that i will be going out. she wont take me out, and yet she wont let me go out. its not like i go out for no purpose damn it. I HAVE A FUCKING PLATOON CHALET THAT I REALLY WANT TO GO, just for a few hours.i dont want to beg her, and plead with her, just to get what i want. i got enough of it. she wont give me credit for being a sort of grown up, which i fucking am. why damn it, why?this is so unfair. it is so unfair. damn it.some body help me. really, just help me please. why cant my dad come to my rescue? i swear it would be worse after she come back from haji.if i cannot go because i did sth wrong, or have been gg out for too many a time, than its my fault. but what did i do wrong? pleading n crying will get me what i want. but doesnt she know how painful it is? seriously, i feel like running away from home. ='(
2:21 PM
im fucking angry with blogger.like wadda fuck is happening to this blog skin? WADDA HELL. spoil my mood only.anyway, i watched ENCHANTED yesterday! OMG! ITS SOOOOO GOOOD! yay!im so happy i watched it. its such a lovely movie. her dresses and the songs are lovely! YAY! this current song is from enchanted also! wooohooo!im totally in love with enchanted. the chipmunk is so cute! AHAHAHA.and dont take me for a mind reader.. tell me you love me!i watched it at marina sq with big sis and bro in law. the city life is awesome at night. so peaceful and quiet. like really late, nt 8 plus kinda thing. you can dance all you want along the roads, nobody gives a damn. wheee!ooooh, i cnt wait for wednesday. ASK ME WHY. coz i'll get to get out if this house! YAY! yes yes, a loser life i lead. been doing hwk. cnt take it no more. neopets is my get-away. ahahaha.ok, i hate blogger and pardon my ugly skin. fuck blogger. bye!
4:53 PM
Sunday, November 25, 2007
this is going to be a very serious post.seriously, im serious about this post being serious.a seriously serious post, about seriously serious stuffs that is seriously affecting my seriousity. if there's such a word that is. i mean seriously, dont you sometimes want to seriously make up your own word? dont be too serious all the time, let loose, like seriously.ok enough of seriousness.the sun hasnt been shining too brightly. maybe coz smbody's angry with it. hahahaha. random thots.im sick of this blog skin. shall hunt for one nooooow! alamak, im so angry with mr/miss sun, that he/she is not shining at all! YAY! hahahaha, ooooh, im a big big BIIIIG fat meanie im telling you! BWAHAHAHA.stupid date. u dont even say all that when we go out.
7:32 PM
Saturday, November 24, 2007
this is my 391th post. woah.love is the sweetest when it first starts. =)and to mr footballer sir, get your miss model/sprinter ma'am to cook for you heh! miss ncc ma'am, will only karate chop you. blueks.fat sis and i cleaned up our room today. i organized my bra, panties, tops, bottoms and socks, according to kind and colour. hahaha, it was so fun! i realise tht i have many white tops, alot of red n black panties, and diff coloured socks.many red n black stuffs caught my attention, which made me smile widely. i also realise i have 5 sweaters and 1 cardigan, black. YESSA.i also unearthed a few nice clothes. yaaay! its like a treasure box in there, u can find anything.and also, i found crap. like super crap. hahaha, which actually belongs to me n tammy. our stupid random notes that we came up with duringboring chem lessons. and also during maths, which there was once, tammy got scolded for laughing too much by ms chin. wadda hell.there was a also a dumb comic strip made by us. i scanned it, but cnt see clearly. it was so funny that i wanted to frame it up.cahaya matahari,semakin ku benci,kerana dia hanya,ingin mencuri hati.wakakaka, just testing my malay skills. heh, look deeper, and you will know what i mean.wanted to go swimming with fat sis, but didnt. was too bz with cleaning. OH! DID I TELL YOU?!MY FAT SIS, OR BETTER KNOWN AS SITI FAT-IMAH, without the hyphen, IS GOING TO GET ENGAGED THIS COMING SATURDAY! yeah, her hantarans includes, a gucci bag, $500 worth of elizabeth arden make up...... and some more stuffs which i wouldnt mind getting. heh again.and my cuz said this, which made me and fat sis scared, ' yerlah, hantar orang pergi haji ni, macam hantar mayat keluar rumah. bcoz u wont know if they coming back or not.'.no no no, pls god, bring them back ALIVE. or i'll just die also.cahaya matahari,memancar terik.senyuman mu diberi,hatiku, kena break.ok, obviously, im not cut out for malay poems. hahahaha.anak cina, pergi kolamcuci muka,sampai malam.taik apek,kena goreng.muka mamek,kena tempeleng.AHAHAHAHA! i didnt even stop to think to type that out. SUEPR RANDOM! wadda hell!aiyoooooooo, i just had a very disgusting chat with my cuz. if we both hvnt get married by 33, we will marry each other. AHAHAHHA.and im hungry once again. wheepee. lemme give u space. space to think, space to love. muacks! =)
10:37 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
hello world!so today, i had a "bonding" day! with my mummy, big sis, bro in law and fat sis! n of c nuwailah. went out to interchange to have lunch at pizza hut. i was amazed that i could finish the whole chicken royale baked pasta. must be damn hungry.and and, my bro in law's car was infested with ants. long story, apparently, he parked his car for 5 days at sm chinese cemetery near HTA. so the whole outside of the car was infested with ants. so after kk, we went to esso for car wash. then ah, my smart bro in law go open my sis's side window to tell the washer guy abt the ants, BUT TOO LATE! THE GUY SPRAYED WATER ALREADY!then my all dressed up big sis was splashed with water. HAHAHAHA. so funny sia. then my bro in law got out of the car, and the washer guy thot he wantedd to scold him for wetting my sister. but nah, he just told the washer guy abt the ants.DAMN FUNNY LAH. HAHAHA. and then went to tangs. bought ear rings from chomel! yay! n my sis bought a brooch for her tunang. AT TANGS. i mean people would go to geylang to buy. u noe the brooch for tudong? ya. its $100. but damn nice. lifetime guarantee. HAHAHA, brooch oso gt guarantee. like damn weird lah!then went to far east plaza for dinner, cahaya dissapointed me for YET AGAIN. hmph. but nehmind, had a nice day today. tho im goddamn tired. AND I AM REALLY TOUCHED THAT U ALL EVEN THOT OF ALTERING THE PLAN. MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS! =)yeah. and yeah SURE. i wonder if u still read my blog anymore. too bz with her i see. pfft.
3:26 PM
Thursday, November 22, 2007
i wonder if my eyes will pop out soon.but im damn fucking sad.been looking forward to it for ages. ='(
12:18 PM
well, since chalet ends on the 15th, i wont be gg. how wonderful. i dont even bother to ask my mom if i can go, have fun charlie. hope you can sense my sarcasm.i may sound like a bitch today. but hey, dont i have the right to?so many fucking things have been happening. dont bother asking.its hard to know that no matter how hard you try to be ok with things, when smtimes, you feel like, you've tried your best to make yourself be appreaciated, but why must i learn all this the hard way?i guess i failed. friends? family? didnt i try to go along with watever? maybe i thot i did. but actually, i didnt. at the end of all this, im the one who is to blame for all the fucking hurt im feeling right now.i keep on telling myself i brought this upon myself. but sometimes it makes me fucking wonder. why others cnt do what i did? must i always give in? and at the end of the day i just feel like some fucking extra who has no more friends to turn to.my friends has other friends. and sometimes, i wish i am actually important to at least one person. but i guess im not. its horrible to feel sorry about your own self, but heck, at one point of time, you just have to.this is turning out to be stupid trashing out with my own self. i dont even noe why YOU bother reading. issit cz it has sth to do with you? ha ha, i donoe.it fucking hurts, but i guess i deserve it. oh, there i go again. blaming my own fucking self. fuck it. its just so annoying. ARRGGGHHHHH! this is exactly the point of time, when i wish the fucking blade you make a trip down my wrist. bt that is plain fucking stupid, hah, i do stupid things all the time. i know whats wrong with me, im depressed. im gg thru depression. the constant fear i have of people hating me, the fear of my mom not agreeing to what i need and want, the fear of how others look and think of me. confidence? sinking like the titanic once did.somedays, you just cannot stay happy. its impossible. the fake smiles, the fake laughters. right now, i wish im a dark dark room, all by myself. where i can cry all over the floor, bang on the fuckin walls without the police banging on the door.have fun. now where's the fucking blade when i need it?
9:28 AM
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
omg.im home.HAHAHA, ok, this song really shows what im feeling now.I WANA GO HOME!!!!!IM HOME! hahahaha. ok, lemme tell you alllll about the horrors and laughters i had for the past two weeks.oh oh, and i wasnt home coz my house was undergg upgrading. so fuckiing dirty and no toilet. so we poof to other ppl's house.first night went to rasyads house. lugged all our clothes and essentials. the next day, poof to my bro's house.my bro has a cat named MANJA = LOVING, but i swear to god, the cat does not deserve the name.its the most tiger like cat that ive ever been so close to. the first night, the stupid cat slept on my leg! that i dont mind of c. budden, for no reasons, the cat strarted to terrify all of us!HAHAHAHA. its the funniest things in the world, esp when my mom was standing ON THE DINING TABLE and crying. HAHAHA! and when my dad was fighting with the cat. but i kena scratch 4 times without any reasons.then we walk arn the house like we robbers liddat, tip toe-ing arn, AND OH YES! that day, my mum go lock the poor cat in the room, then the cat go shit in the room.wah piang, stinks like shit laah. and i really cnt wait to go home. A CLEAN HOME. nw im at home of c, but to clean up the place. fiish, hate cleaning up. oh n yes, i did go swimming that day with sis and all. so fun!and talking abt swimming, reminds me of last yr's platoon chalet. the oone at night. HAHAHA, so funny. bt wadderhell, i had to go home. and so i hope hope hope, this yr, it would be after the 15th. PLEASE! im begging you! =Si realise that i wana do hwk. heehee, i might be getting that shoe, have to buy uni and one skirt and the stuupid ss books, all at new sch. hmmm, freedom? YESSAA. bought pens and markers, files and notebooks. ok, i want a new bag. but nvm, i shall save up for it. =)))i miss my house. and i miss you.and to giant with puny toe, HAPPY 15TH BDAE! =)
11:58 AM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
wont be updating for a loooong loong time.no internet connection at bro's home. *sob sob*tonnes to update, but no time, no energy.gg for sm dril thingy at hq for a week with zack. wheepee. =)))eeeeeeh, i donoe, wat to say no more. hahaha. BYE! =)))CURRENT MODE= ON HAITUS!
11:47 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
oh my god.smbody shut the blardy machines up!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! i hate hate hate hate renovation works! so fucking noisy. they started at 8 am this morning. when i was happily, or shall i say sadly, in dreamland. FUUUUUUCCCKKK.and im blasting song, as loud as possible, bt i cn still hear the stuupid thing cutting thru the rocks, stones or wtv it is. grrr!anywaaays, gg out with amirah! YAY! after a whole load of tears, begging, sour face, mom finally gave in. i seriously dont geddit. whats so wrong with gg out with friends? i mean, its not like we go clubbing or wat ryte. just walk walk, laugh laugh. anything wrong? i doubt so. she makes such a big fuss. n its been forever since i went to catch a movie sia. wth.anyways, i shall just enjoy life. mhm, wether or not my mom allows me to have one.YAY! im happy that im gg out today. i shall treasure it coz, i donoe when i cn go out again. OH WAIT A MINUTE!!! i will have a MONTH of freedom ahead of me! YESSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!joy to the world!!!! FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!! FREE AT LASSSSSSTTTTTTTT!!!!!OOOOOOOOOMGGGGGGG! ahahaha, im duper excited. GAAAH! hahahahaha, WOOOHOOO! come on celebrate with me YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!ok ok ok, CHILL BABY CHILL. wheeeee. =)))
8:39 AM
Friday, November 09, 2007
its 8.40 in the morning.stupid upgrading starting 2moro.im damn hungry.nuwailah takes forever in the toilet.i kinda like the smell of lancome miracle.i dowan ppl to go overseas to study.i want to eat chicken rice again.im feeling damn random.and i changed my blogskin ya'll!HABIBI! =)))
4:34 PM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
come on, you know you wana shake it.the song is rocking good, now mooove, moveeee those hips!mwahaha, i noe im moving mine. AHAHAHA.and the melissa in the song, is damn hot. WOOHOOO.its been forever since i updated. soooo many things happened, but i swear i cnt rmbr much of it.errr, we went to see fridge at compass point, n nabila thinks that butter and jam is cool. hahahaha, inside joke.n damn, the song has been on repeat for almost 30 mins now. n im hooked to it. i saw the music vid on mtv, and wah laaah, HOOKED BABY HOOKED.im boreeed, i did some maths, n poof, my fuse blew. hahaha, cnt think no more. grrr.2moro shall be a good day? hehehe, i hope it would be. =)))mummy n dadyy wont be home till 7. they have sm haji thingy. why cant it be 2moro? haiyaiyai.n i really cnt see puke, cz mine would join that pile too. yucks!!!!and some particular lines from somewhere have been cracking me up. wakaka."...N IM JEALOUS OK! stop it you, thats my girl you are talking abt, stop oogling at her. hmph...".hehehe. ermm, i feel cold. wheee. im so fucking bored. i see no use in YOU reading my post till here. ahahaha. you must be bored too.ok, im outta here. n i like zack n cody. wakaka, so funny. n drake n josh also, ALL TIME FAVOURITE! =)))ok ok ok, im really outta here.
11:15 PM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
im damn pissed.with soo many ppl.like seriously, wtf is their problem? stupid shits. fucking empty shells up there. fucking shit.yay! marlia came over today with her mummy to jalan raya. wtched 'i want a famous face'. yucks, so disgusting. her boobs are so fake. omg, crazy. the show is damn good, the liposuction parts were damn eeeeeeky. n da pumping of the boobs was weird. hahaha.madrasah exam 2moro. dont give a damn.collecting spects 2moro. its my 7th spects so far. i lost the other 5. one still survives. aha. i hope the number would stay. hahaha.n to those gg 2moro, YAY! all the best ya''ll! n to those who could go but didnt want to, you all are losers lah.sometimes, i really wonder how you can fall in love. i mean, how do you know u are in love, n nt infatuation. cz i was watching all these hisdustan stories ah, they fall in love just like that. BUT LIKE HOW? ahahaha. so annoying. does it just happen? or do you have to say it to mean it? AIYOYO.i think, the best kind of love, is one that develops thru time. like, you dont have to officially declare that person is your gf or bf, but both of you know that you belong to each other. yeaaaah, IM GOOD YA'LL! =)))
oh, i was bored. so i decided to scan my palm. my fingers are short. damni miss my old home, my old room. the kitchen and the spaciousness. i still havent love this house yet. its still a house, nt home yet. i hope it will happen soon.i miss so many other things too, and people.seriously, dont u feel like sometimes, you just want to let it all out, bt you cant? like you want to stay mad at smbody, bt u will feel like a loser in the end and just keep it to urself.like how much you long for sth, bt no matter what, it just wont happen. nth seems to go your way. u suddenly feel so alone, and useless.like right now, i feel like screaming my point, bt i have to write it out in a hidden way. damn it.a baby would grow eventually. soon, she wont need you to decide whats right or wrong for her, but help her decide what is wrong n what is right. after smtime, she dont need only a mother from you, but a friend too. after sometime she is all grown up.she wants to view the world, but u dont want her to cz u are scared she would be hurt by the dangers, saying you know it all. bt if you dont let her see the dangers, how else cn she grow up? you forced her to be what she is today. she found love in ways you would never approve, nor you would ever give. think it over. if only you would.
4:55 PM
Friday, November 02, 2007
waaalaaah! here we go. the wonderful WEDDING NIGHT! hahaha, sounds wrong. here you goooo! SIT TIGHT YA'LL!aha aha, the table. cn u see the heart shaped thingy? its their picture.
daddy escorting the bride for the ceremony.
and poof, with the presence of the TOK KADI (whom me n my sis went up the lift with and almost held him hostage), they are nw MAN AND WIFE! 
big sis n rasyad.
now they come again!awaiting eagerly. look at my sis's semangat face.THERE THEY ARE! THROW THE FLOWERS YA'LL!
HOT HOT bride. HOT HOT bride. 
down they gooooo.
their pelamin is A SWING! how niiice.
big big famly, wtht big bro. tsk.
me, fat sis, cuz, big sis.
that guy scares me. the guuys. cuz, bro in law, cuz in law.
siblings of the bride. one more missing.
up the dias.
that is sparkling juice tho. nyeehee.
ZOOOMED.
ber-inai. aha.
shake THAT booty!
COME ON! DANCE AWAAAAAAAY!
me n cuz.
lost sisters. nt wanting to leave the place.
see, how cn i not be confused? IM DAMN TALL.
SEEEEEE!
the evil mother.
AHAHAHA. AWWWW! hes syed aamar. CUTE! yay! thats all folks! =)))
1:57 PM
Thursday, November 01, 2007
sch's over for today.slept in chemistry most of the time.amaths was surprisingly fun. tsk.then the makcik broke my heart cz she nvr open her stall.then then then, nth much happened.ya, wanted nasi ayam but amirah refuse to prioritise me. hmph.a strange thing happened. my sister lost her bag, which has all her assignments in it, AT HOME. pooor thing leh, she gona fail her assignments. like damn poor thing ah. we cnt find it anywhere, my mom said she went hysterical. (i cn so imagine), thank god i wasnt home.so yes, tonights the night. gona eat to my fill/full? hah? i am? hah? i am? wheeepeee.i shall sleep nw. my tummy's rumbling.and god damn it, mua miss you.
